Last Semester
I am back in university. I am writing this in my dorm room on my bed. This time I got a triple room and since I am the last one to register, I got the top bunk. Last time, I would be devastated, but this time, I'm pretty chill about it. I began thinking that this will be the last semester, so it shouldn't really matter. Time will pass by and before I know it, everything will be over.
It's a pretty hot night here. I have barely any room for myself this time, but right now, I am alone in this room. I feel like I am fortunate because I get ample time for myself in solitude. Just enough to fill me up.
So, I've been having these thoughts lately. I am already reaching 24 years old this year. I keep thinking about when my dad was 25 years old, he already had a job, a house, a car, a wife, and a child. While I'm over here, still struggling to finish my degree, stressing out over people and little things. I find times are changing so rapidly, I couldn't keep up. I've also been thinking about marriage. I truly wanted to get married early and have a family at a fairly young age in my twenties. Lately, I've been fretting about it. I feel nervous that I might have to get married very late and I don't want that. But these things really do take time. The fact that that is true and unavoidable makes me feel helpless.
Sometimes, I do feel a small ache when I see cute babies. Then I start to question my readiness for marriage and motherhood. And seeing how many flaws I have, I wonder if I can ever be accepted. Yes, these thoughts are pretty negative. Most people would tell me to try to improve myself but the thing is, I quite like myself this way. It's pretty difficult to explain. But I doubt the need for me to explain myself.
I hope things will work out in the end. I sincerely wish for a good life for me and my family.
It's a pretty hot night here. I have barely any room for myself this time, but right now, I am alone in this room. I feel like I am fortunate because I get ample time for myself in solitude. Just enough to fill me up.
So, I've been having these thoughts lately. I am already reaching 24 years old this year. I keep thinking about when my dad was 25 years old, he already had a job, a house, a car, a wife, and a child. While I'm over here, still struggling to finish my degree, stressing out over people and little things. I find times are changing so rapidly, I couldn't keep up. I've also been thinking about marriage. I truly wanted to get married early and have a family at a fairly young age in my twenties. Lately, I've been fretting about it. I feel nervous that I might have to get married very late and I don't want that. But these things really do take time. The fact that that is true and unavoidable makes me feel helpless.
Sometimes, I do feel a small ache when I see cute babies. Then I start to question my readiness for marriage and motherhood. And seeing how many flaws I have, I wonder if I can ever be accepted. Yes, these thoughts are pretty negative. Most people would tell me to try to improve myself but the thing is, I quite like myself this way. It's pretty difficult to explain. But I doubt the need for me to explain myself.
I hope things will work out in the end. I sincerely wish for a good life for me and my family.
Comments
Post a Comment