Deep In Earth

The weather became much sunnier since yesterday. There was a little shower early this morning. But the temperature has gotten a bit warmer. It's the last day of the year here. I decided to get some studying done. And yes, alhamdulillah I have got some done today. I also decided to watch the Lets Play by Cry on The Cat Lady game. I remembered that it left a huge impression on me at the time Cry played it. I think Cry played it wonderfully, he gave it the weight it deserves. Thank you Cry for playing that game for us. I just finished it, and I remembered the bits of thoughts that I had during the Lets Play that had gotten me more fond of Cry. He's a cool guy. And as I finished it, it still left a pretty big impression on me. I think I needed that kind of impact sometimes. Made me think a lot too. I'll probably post another post after this for midnight since it's the last day of 2016. And I am going to spend it with the people I love most. And that is not sad. That...

So this is the band I just discovered. It's awesome! No singing, no lyrics, but I feel it just the same. One of my favourite post-rock indie bands to date. This is his song, The Way Home.

I am alone in my room right now. My room mate has gone out to study. I am sorry, perhaps I was distracting her with my habits of giggling while watching Youtube. It's a rainy night again. It feels really nice. The air feels cool and chilly. Today, I made some macaroni and cheese with herbs. It's a prepacked sauce, but I added some more cheddar cheese. It tasted really good. I was kind of impressed at myself because I rarely cooked anything good. Even though it was prepacked sauce. I did good today. I got some work done on my final year project and emailed it to my supervisor. I planned to do some studying done for my finals next week. Barely going anywhere, because I suddenly decided to watch To The Moon playthrough by Cry. Oh man, I really missed the Cry from 5-6 years ago. He was cute. He's gone a long way now and he's grown so much. I also watched a little bit of a playthrough of Ib, just felt like it. I really missed these games. These were the best games then. ...

It has been pretty nice weather for the past couple of days. There has been some showers so it hasn't been hot. It nice because it's somewhat cool weather. No hotness, just coolness. I am back in my dorm. I have some work left to do for my final year project. Maybe two more tasks to do. And I need to study for my finals that's coming for about a week. In early January, I'll be back in my hometown. Yesterday, I felt very anxious and nervous for my final year project. A friend has texted me something that made me feel like I didn't know what I was doing. I'm sure she meant well, but it added to my already anxious temperament. I wasn't taking it very well. Then memories of past awkwardness and stupidity about over-sensitivity reappeared in my mind and I became pretty upset. I brooded over things and my over-sensitivity. It's hard to handle my emotions sometimes. It happens so quickly without me having any proper time to control or think about it. I fe...

In a few weeks, it will be Die's birthday. This end of the year has become a bit melancholic for me. It's reaching the end of a semester and my finals are coming up. I have been procrastinating some things but I promise I will get them done. I still have some time left. For the past few days, I had sat on my bed in the dark in my dorm room and I was thinking about a lot of things. I am already 23 years old, still struggling to finish my degree, still haven't traveled to Japan, still have no children, still afraid of dealing with the public. I still haven't gotten that home I wanted, still no job, still no money, still not having any kids. It was a pretty tough time for me. See, this blog is a way for me to express myself because I don't talk to people about things like this. Writing them is the only way I can get it out of my system. I don't expect people will read about this blog, or even care about it. I just needed somewhere to write and let it out. I...

I'd like to say a Happy Ieroween because yesterday was Frankie's birthday. I'm going to watch the movie Halloween and listen to songs. At this time, I'm supposed to do my final year project and do some assignments. But I am procrastinating. I am really the epitome of those negative hormonal women. I do stuff based on my emotions. I remember things based on my emotions. Sometimes I think like I am held captive by my emotions. They are just that strong. I have a significant degree of willpower (I promise). And sometimes, like today, I surrender and do what my emotions tell me. You know that comic art that some people made, about what the brain (or mind) wants us to do but then the heart wants us to do something else? Well, I have not only the brain and the heart, I have the emotions to try make me do things differently too. It's completely separate from the brain and heart for me. The weather is also pretty darn nice tonight. Pretty cold, much more on the ...

After a lot of hassle about finding a place for me to stay, I've finally been able to live in my previous dorm. I have officially live here for 4 years. Alhamdulillah, now I have a nice place to stay. Today I was reminded about a certain story or statement that my lecturer of International Relations told me and the entire class. She told us a story about now a student taking HRD in our uni was furthering her master's degree in resource sciences. She told us that the student was confused. She said that the student should have taken a master's degree in something related to her degree. Listening to this, I have to say that I disagree. Well. Perhaps what she is saying is true. It is arguably more reasonable to further your master's degree with an area that you are already familiar with and have basic to moderate level of knowledge in the field. Taking a completely different subject would only mean suicide and burdening yourself. Who would want to do that, right? I am...

It was a little chilly today and I am thankful for that. I'm glad the chilly weather has crept in. You know how we like to tell people about our feelings? How hard that particular day was for us and how hard it was to get through certain times. I think that is okay. But something made me think about it for a little bit. I saw a post saying that back in the day, 18-year-olds enlisted in armies to fight in wars. While today, 18-year-olds are hurt because of the things that people say. I really don't know what to do with this information. My brain is trying to process it and it's triggering something. I agree with the statement, that we should do something positive and give an impact. Do something meaningful with our lives instead of just wallowing in sadness and pity. But on the other hand, I think that accepting that darkness and sadness in our lives are important too. It does get dangerous because it's easier to delve into that sadness and darkness and nurse it an...

Hi. The previous post stated how much I was feeling like doing art. I still feel that way. And those feelings have really built up. You know how people have a creative block that happens sometimes? No doubt that thing happens to me sometimes. But right now it feels like I'm having a creative overflow. I feel like creating so much stuff like drawing and painting, and now I am inspired to continue writing. I like to write stories. Sometimes I get these ideas and when the ideas are well-made and flows freely, I can little short stories. Nothing big, but I enjoy it. Mainly because it's my taste (because I wrote it...). These days I'm getting some ideas to write some short stories. It's like, the concepts are in my mind, the themes and some events that will happen, but the full chronologies aren't organized yet. Some of them doesn't exist yet. Just having these little ideas. I really need to write some notes down because sometimes ideas for different stories co...

It's a rainy day today. I'm thankful for that because the days have been pretty hot. I needed to write about art. Since I was a kid, I love to draw and I wanted to be a painter. I love art. You know sometimes in school teachers will give you cards to fill in your details and write down your dream occupation? I wrote that I wanted to be a painter. One day my teacher calls me over and asked about it. I said I really liked to draw and I remember I was very shy about it. I wasn't any good at art actually but I love drawing a lot. My teacher told me about something like the future needs engineers and doctors and that I should think about my dream occupation. When I didn't the teacher encouraged me again to change it. If I remember correctly, she basically told me to write it over. Change it. So I did and I wrote down 'veterinarian'. Everyone seemed pleased. My parents had hopes for me to become a vet. In high school I was in science stream and studied biology...

I am going to jump right to it. Gerard posted a selfie on Instagram and I got really emotional. I love him and the band a lot and I think I needed to write this stuff somewhere to somehow get it off my chest. Hopefully, this post is going to be honest. I have been a fan of MCR since I was a teenager perhaps 13 to 12 years ago. When I discovered them, I wasn't really a music fan as I am now, but as some time went by they became one of my most important bands. Helena was the first song I heard from them as I was instantly hooked. I needed their sound in my life, if that makes any sense. I thought that Gerard was a little crazy, but his craziness was something I needed and adored. They were different but confident in who they truly are. In some way, and I can say this with truth and confidence, Gerard Way is a genius and combined with Ray Toro, another genius, Frank and Mikey, talented prodigies, and may I include Matt, I thought they were what we needed. They were a great driving f...

This is going to be pretty bad. I just needed an outlet. When I tell you not to do something with the stuff that I gave permission for you to borrow. You don't do it. Instead, somebody just freaking did it when I told them not to. And freaking laughed about it. What the heck. This is a pretty big deal because it's going to involve me. Why can't people just listen? I'm never going to trust anybody with anything because you don't fucking listen. Nobody listens because they are all self-entitled fucks with no care for other people heeds and warnings. I'll smack somebody if this happens again. I'll do it to you. Just have to rid of the negativity. I'm sorry. My vocab is pretty colourful right now. I wish I could just say it out.