Deep In Earth

It's one of those days. The days when I feel so heavy and powerless Sometimes, I can't understand what's going on in my head. Is this a sickness? My heart aches and my limbs go numb. It spreads to the whole body and my chest tightens. What do I say? Who do I talk to? How can I fix it? I wonder why humans feel the way we do. Everyday, we are blessed to have everything that we have. I acknowledge that. I am thankful for even the clean water that I get to drink. But sometimes, I cannot leave the house, I cannot bring myself to rise from the bed, I can't bring myself to eat. I can't go to take a shower, I can't go outside mt room and see people because I don't want to read their faces. I refuse to have any connection with socialization because sometimes, I just can't take it all in anymore. There is a habit of mine when I just won't say anything about things, because what I say can be hurtful to people. I tend to be sarcastic and be very mean when...

This morning I have received one of the saddest news. On the 20th of July, Chester Bennington was found hanging. Can words ever give justice to how I feel? And many other people all over the world? The other day, it was Chris Cornell. And now Chester. It made me think that we don't know anything about anything at all. It scares me to think that how many people more would we hear news of that succumbed to this disease? I don't even know if I can take any more news similar to this. God, I'm in such a tangled state of mind. I don't even know how to express my grief properly. Who do I talk to? It's so vexing to think about how Chester have fought and struggled all these years and  this happened. I feel sad for him, for his family, for the band, for other people who have been influenced by Chester. The question of why and what if have been lingering for a while, but I decided that sometimes I don't need to know because sometimes, I myself don't want peopl...

It's my birthday. I've always wanted  a quiet birthday. I'd really like to have a peaceful birthday, like waking up in the crisp morning when the birds starts chirping and the world is covered in dew. I'd have a simple breakfast because that is how I like it. Something like French Toast or grilled cheese with tomatoes. I'd have some nice, hot green tea and eat in my bed. Watching my favourite videos. Everybody would be peaceful and there would be no noise. Just me. And my favourite things. I think that would be very nice. I've been pretty upset lately. I think it was just me getting over the edge after keeping it in for so long. It's times like these when I tend to think that I am just not built or fully equipped to face all that in this world. But I know that I am very lucky to be alive and well. I am very lucky to be physically able and healthy. Even if my head isn't very healthy sometimes. I have to work on that and I know God will always sus...

Hey. I feel a need to express how much I love this person named Sid Wilson. When I first got into Slipknot, I didn't want to be hyped up because everyone else was so into them. So being the person I am, I don't want to like what everyone else liked. I don't know why, it just seemed really repelling to be with the trends. I don't know, that's just me. I was already very fond of this dude named Sid who stage dives and jumps off of high places. His parts in the music and how he performs them on stage was very cool to me too. I thought that his mask looked the coolest, plus the fact that I really have a fascination with gas masks. But I was like, "Hold up... I won't get into it..." But as time goes by, I just have to accept it at this point. I can't deny it any longer, you know? To be honest, I am not really interested in his hip hop or jungle music. It's not the kind of music that I am into. I just can't get into it. But Sid as a person, t...

I've had a pretty long week. So many things have happened in the last two weeks. I've started by industrial training last week. And I have some mixed feelings about it. As any anxious human being, I was really nervous the first day. I didn't know what was going to happen. I had little confidence about myself when it comes to industry. But it turns out that many people were as normal as I am. None were too confident or too knowledgeable to be there. We were all students just out into the real world, trying to learn and be useful. I tried to do more, be more active, ask questions, talk to people, have conversations and communicate so I could learn and stand out a little bit more. I tend to do this some times when I think that I am brave enough. Turns out, I was completely drained and exhausted at the end of the day. I slept so long that evening and woke up in the middle of the night. The thing is, I couldn't really fathom what brought me to such lengths of fatigue, at f...