Fairy Lights at Night
It's one of those days. The days when I feel so heavy and powerless
Sometimes, I can't understand what's going on in my head. Is this a sickness?
My heart aches and my limbs go numb. It spreads to the whole body and my chest tightens. What do I say? Who do I talk to? How can I fix it?
I wonder why humans feel the way we do. Everyday, we are blessed to have everything that we have. I acknowledge that. I am thankful for even the clean water that I get to drink. But sometimes, I cannot leave the house, I cannot bring myself to rise from the bed, I can't bring myself to eat. I can't go to take a shower, I can't go outside mt room and see people because I don't want to read their faces. I refuse to have any connection with socialization because sometimes, I just can't take it all in anymore.
There is a habit of mine when I just won't say anything about things, because what I say can be hurtful to people. I tend to be sarcastic and be very mean when I could be, so I try to suppress that and just be silent. Then people start hurting me, and I stay silent. People start to assume me, and I stay silent. I think about all of this in my head, and my thoughts are building up. It gets build up, stuck there and rotting. It gets in my blood stream and my heart takes it all in. It spreads all over and it aches.
It become heavy. On my shoulders. On me.
I think part of why I am like this is because of my sensitivity, and my empathy. But recently, I have started to accept that maybe I do have anxiety. It's pretty severe sometimes, and it's pretty normal sometimes. I don't know how to deal with it, and I can't talk about it because I don't want to be judged. Nobody around me would truly understand me. They know nothing and they don't care about it anyway. It's just how humans are.
And human beings can be so fragile, physically and emotionally. Is this me being over dramatic? Is this me being inconsiderate of the suffering people of the world? Do I deserve this? Am I a coward? Am I not allowed to feel sad as much as I am allowed to feel happy?
God, help us.
Sometimes, I can't understand what's going on in my head. Is this a sickness?
My heart aches and my limbs go numb. It spreads to the whole body and my chest tightens. What do I say? Who do I talk to? How can I fix it?
I wonder why humans feel the way we do. Everyday, we are blessed to have everything that we have. I acknowledge that. I am thankful for even the clean water that I get to drink. But sometimes, I cannot leave the house, I cannot bring myself to rise from the bed, I can't bring myself to eat. I can't go to take a shower, I can't go outside mt room and see people because I don't want to read their faces. I refuse to have any connection with socialization because sometimes, I just can't take it all in anymore.
There is a habit of mine when I just won't say anything about things, because what I say can be hurtful to people. I tend to be sarcastic and be very mean when I could be, so I try to suppress that and just be silent. Then people start hurting me, and I stay silent. People start to assume me, and I stay silent. I think about all of this in my head, and my thoughts are building up. It gets build up, stuck there and rotting. It gets in my blood stream and my heart takes it all in. It spreads all over and it aches.
It become heavy. On my shoulders. On me.
I think part of why I am like this is because of my sensitivity, and my empathy. But recently, I have started to accept that maybe I do have anxiety. It's pretty severe sometimes, and it's pretty normal sometimes. I don't know how to deal with it, and I can't talk about it because I don't want to be judged. Nobody around me would truly understand me. They know nothing and they don't care about it anyway. It's just how humans are.
And human beings can be so fragile, physically and emotionally. Is this me being over dramatic? Is this me being inconsiderate of the suffering people of the world? Do I deserve this? Am I a coward? Am I not allowed to feel sad as much as I am allowed to feel happy?
God, help us.
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