Deep In Earth

Hi. It's been a great while. I'm a university student now. I decided to take on the challenge and see how it goes. I suppose, right now, is another turning point in my life. It is time to make another major life-changing decision. From all my posts, this is the point in life that I despise enormously. All the risks, consequences, the unknown - all of them are nightmares to me. But I post today not because of some depressing feeling again, it is about something else. I'll write about it here. You see, I have entered a recreational club in my university residential college. It is called 'Silat Tari'. It is like the martial arts, but what we do is more focused to performances. Today, or rather, yesterday night (since it's already past 12 midnight), was our last practice for this semester. I have to say, I feel rather melancholy. There is this certain loneliness when I think about the days to come when I no longer have practice at nights. I have come to love c...

Hi. Recently the weather has been to my liking. It's not to sunny but it's not raining. It feels a little chilly too. My favourite kind of weather. So now, let's get to it. I have this desire to study overseas. It's been something that I really want for a while now. I may not be consistent with my wants and desires, but I think this is something that I should take a shot at. Give it a try, you know? Who knows maybe it'll turn out fine. But of course, there are always obstacles on the road to every dreams. Even those that don't seem like it could be a problem becomes a problem. I will talk about some of it here. You see, I tried to talk to my parents about it, I believe I wrote about it before in a previous post. They did not talk me too seriously. More like they did not believe in my determination or my abilities. I agree, I do not always come off as the most confident and reliable person in the world, but give me guidance and I will do it. Give me faith an...

It's the third day of Eid, Happy Eid!! The second day of Eid I've had the opportunity to go beraya with my friends. I thought I am socially awkward. Turns out I'm quite fine actually... Hehe. I went beraya with them today too. It was great fun! I haven't seen my classmates and friends for a really long time. To be able to go out and celebrate raya with them really feels good. Even though some of my closest friends weren't able to join us because of various reasons, I am still happy to celebrate with those who were willing to have me. :) Talking with them and listening to them talk was enjoyable. My friends are hilarious. I love them all. I will miss them until the moment I get to see them again. You see, I've been thinking about something. A teacher told us before that in the Peninsular, Eid or Hari Raya is just like any other holiday. It's not really a big thing. But here in Borneo, Eid is a pretty important holiday that people of all races look for...

Alright. So Natsume Yuujinchou is a pretty famous anime, right? I've watched it before, but this is the first time I've listened to the original soundtracks. I have to say, I'm very impressed even though it is unlike Mushishi's ost which I love and adore very much, it has the same potential and has similar feelings, although only in some of the songs, for example 'Kusa Odoru Kaze no Hibiki' and 'Honoka no Kioku'. It is an anime after all. Mushishi is a really beautiful anime, while I feel Natsume Yuujinchou is rather like the conventional anime, but shows similar uniqueness and beauty as well. It has sad times and heart-felt times like that in Mushishi. But the thing is, Mushishi doesn't really make an effort, or make it seem that way. It shows things simply as it is and I cry because it's just so sad. I think this separates Mushishi from other animes as well. The soundtrack composed by Yoshimori Makoto is exceptional. I fell in love instantly wh...

Hi. Mimi here. Yah~ I've been really negative lately. Even though this blog is all white an pure. My pessimistic side just won't give up sometimes, huh? I guess time was all I needed. I feel much better right now than before. I'm beginning to accept things are they are. I shouldn't be ashamed of anything. I should just accept it and make the best of it. It's not the end yet. I'll show them that I hall exceed what they think of me. If I don't try it first, then how would I know, right? I feel like I want to draw again. I want to learn how to draw on a computer. It's easier this way, don't you think? And I watched Mushishi the other day. Hah~ this anime never ceases to amaze me. Definitely my favourite anime, or one of the top on my list. It's really a beautiful anime. There's nothing like it, I'm sure, even for another million years. Let me tell you that I really enjoy original soundtrack's music. Background music in movies a...

This blog has been rather depressing lately. All I ever write nowadays is about depressing topics. Not that I expect people to read them. I just want to write about them. Because these things really do happen to me. And this post will not be any different I suppose. I have been excited the few days because I was planning to further my studies overseas. I have always wanted to do it. It has been one of the smaller dreams of mine. I have been doing my research, looking for favourable universities with the courses of interests and accommodation. I read information about the tuition fees and almost fainted, but I keep reading and read more stuff about student loans, international scholarships, and funding... I think I have been doing this kind of research for a week. I even send enquiries and questions to the universities asking about my interest to enrol in their universities. I am grateful to all of the people who replied my emails and responded with such patience and kindness, eve...

Today is my birthday. Yesterday actually. It looks like it's already past 12 at midnight. Oh well. I think this will be a very long post. I have a lot of things to write about. I have always tried to be happy and I aspire to stay that way, and I do get happy sometimes, like when I'm watching anime or read a hilarious manga. I love it! But after a while, there is this feeling that comes creeping up to me when I am being left alone or inactive. It grabs me rather suddenly and I get trapped in it until I decide that I have to do something about it. And motivation is not my best friend. It is rarely there for me when I need it. I really don't know how people can get all of that motivation. People get motivated and be confident and happy all the time, it's not like I push away positivity but I just do not know how people could do it. How do people feel happy all the time? How do people stay positive all the time? Well let me share my university entrance result. I got ...

I have to be honest, the past few days have been gloomy for me. I don't really how it came to such a state, but it was rather depressing. I wasn't being productive too. And the new patch for TS3 came and I accidentally updated my game, causing it to lag most of the time because of the incompatible custom content, I assume. So I wasn't really happy even though I was a couple of days before. Well after some thinking and a reality check I've decided that things cannot go on this way. Moping about all day won't do me any good. If I'm not going to do anything creative or productive, might as well get on-line and find some inspiration, or read some books. Fairy tales will do nicely, I think. So now I feel much better. I don't know if what I felt was depression, but it was rather a low point. The feeling... I can't really describe it. My friends and I had plans to go out this week and I hope everything will turn out just fine. I want to see them all. I want...

I did it... I made a Simblr. :P Not sure how this is going to work or what I was expecting from this but I made a Simblr. Follow me if you want. Even though I'm shy but I'll be nice! Click here . Please have a look. It's nothing special but I really like taking pics of my Sims. I enjoy it a lot. While you're here, look at my main Tumblr right here . Hope you like these links!

Well I've been downloading The Sims 3 custom content and I am very happy right now. My sim houses look so nice with all the hip decorations and modern furniture. Haha. While I've been searching for new things to download like hair and makeup, tattoos and clothes, plus some decorative items for my game, I noticed that a lot of blogs and simblrs are really well-made. Some of the people who upload all these beautiful custom content don't really play the game that often. They like to make pretty sims or build houses and upload them for everyone to use. And they like to make custom content for everyone to use too. Which is fine by me. These people make our gaming experience more enjoyable. Here are some great blogs and simblrs that I came across to. They have wonderful content and the pictures are high quality. I could only wish that I could take pictures of my sims that way, but I like to play with my sims' lives as much as I like creating them, so I don't think I...

As I mentioned before, I've been playing The Sims 3 since I got back. Before I went for the trip, I discovered how to add custom contents into the game and I just successfully created a PlantSim. I was eager to play with him as soon as I reached home, but I found out that I could not figure out what to do with him. The original mission was to create a PlantSim, as I have succeeded, but after the mission was over I didn't know what to do with him. So I began to think that I need to download some custom contents. Maybe some  clothes and shoes and some accessories... And then I ended up downloaded ccs for days. Literally for DAYS. I downloaded and browsed a lot of ccs for The Sims 3... I thought I would just download a few tops and jeans and some dresses for the girls but then I could not stop myself. Everything is just so pretty! I just had to download things and have it in my game. There are some awesome custom skins too. I downloaded some and the ones with freckles are jus...

Hi. It's been a week since I came back from Umrah. This post won't be about my experiences or anything like that, because I feel that different people will go through things differently during Umrah. But I have to say that I enjoyed myself tremendously. I feel good and happy and it's been an enriching and knowledgeable experience for me. I'd love to go do it all again! :) Coming back, I feel nothing's changed physically for me. We do the same things as we did before. I do house chores like I did before the trip. And I feel rather glad for this. It would scare me if things changed too much. I think it's because I am fond of familiarity. Well I've been playing with The Sims 3 after I got back. I've been playing with The Sims for a long time and it remains as one of my most-played games. It's like playing doll house, right? I secretly wanted a doll house as a child, I guess this satisfies my child self from years ago.

Yesterday we had a little family gathering. Well, it was expected to be "little" but apparently a lot of people came. We almost had not enough food for everyone. It was pretty hectic. Things just got worst since my sisters and I weren't exactly housewife material at all. Many elderly people came and young people as well. The family on my father's side came earlier than the rest during the gathering, and I have to admit that it was really awkward and I was really nervous. For some reason, I could not think of anything to do. I am not very close to my father's side of the family. Maybe I did panic a little, but then I took out Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island  and read it. Felt a bit better. Then when things got busy, I had to shun myself in the kitchen and help. When my mother's side of the family came, the gathering got a little more relaxed. I am not sure why but I have always been closer to my mother's side of the family. It is like they ...

Oh thank God. Our beloved Saya from  SAYA IN UNDERWORLD  IS BACK!!! She just posted 2 new entries today on 12th May. The Master series has continued! She's be explaining her absence in a few days time. No matter what her reasons are, I am so happy she's back. I've been craving her presence because she's such a doll to all of us. And I miss her a lot, and I miss her blog too. I feel like I want to give her a nice warm hug. Welcome back, Saya-neesan. We've missed you so. Thanks for coming back.

My other passion other than music is 'MOVIES'! Love, love movies. I love a long list of favourite movies, so when people ask me about my favourite movie, I honestly cannot finish telling them, because I have lots. It is much easier when I answer them that I have a lot and I cannot choose just a few. But today, I want to talk about one of my favourite movies, an animated movie called "From Up The Poppy Hill". It was released in 2011 based on a graphic novel I believe and I love this one very much. It was set back in 1963, the time that I'd like to think as ideal. I love all of Studio Ghibli's movies but I particularly love this one more than the others for obvious reasons. The movie is like the kind of life that I would love to have lived. Cooking for the family, going to school, doing club activities and all that kind of high school life... And live in a beautiful house overlooking the ocean, with a garden full of greenery and flower bushes. This is quite an...

I mostly enjoy rock or metal music but I really enjoy some classical pieces just as much. Today I accidentally came across this video while browsing in Youtube and I am in awe. Manly tears were shed and I do not know why. I was touched by the beautiful music. I love the movie Inception. Some of my friends could not understand it but I think it is perfect. The exploration of the concept of being in a dream inside a dream was clever. Utter brilliance. I remember the music touched me very deeply while watching it. And there was another movie that people could not really understand, it was called "The Fountain". It had beautiful soundtracks as well. So beautiful. The concept of the Tree of Life was rather intriguing. I always read about foreign myths and old legends. These old stories passed from generation to generation interest me acutely. Do watch these great movies. They are some of my favourites. I absolutely adore music like this, it makes me feel alive and have faith.

I have listened to a lot of bands. I am particularly attracted to bands that have their own original sound. Like, I've never heard another band make songs like they do - that kind of thought. I have listened and listened, and I developed an opinion that most drummers have regular skills. It's like they are good enough to be a drummer, and so they are. I feel like the songs are good because of the melody, the guitar riffs, the vocals from the vocalist. And the drummer is there just to add the beats to the song. He contributes, but it feels like he is nothing special. I know it is not true for most people, but sometimes, I feel this way. However, when it comes to Shinya, I feel like I have never heard a more talented drummer than him. He is not a drummer simply because he is good enough. He is a drummer because he was destined to be one. Whoever convinced him to take the path of being a drummer must be a saint. Shinya's drumming skills are superb. The sounds he makes are ...

Lately, I have been desiring to wear brighter and more colourful clothes. I admit that my wardrobe does not contain the most varied colours as others would have. It seems natural that one's wardrobe would have more of their favourite colour but that is not the case with mine. My favourite colour is turqoise and aqua, and yet I have less of these colours than black. I like black too, because it is flattering to everyone. I have been notified numerous times that I am a boring person for wearing black all the time, despite being rather young. My family tells me that I should wear brighter colours befitting my age rather than monotonous shades befitting old people. I think I have finally understood with what they meant. I feel like wearing colourful clothes nowadays, but with my limited supply of such clothes, I guess it means that I will need to do some shopping. This will be hard on my parent's wallets. But for the sake of youth, I will strive!

In the past few weeks, or months, I have been listening to L'arc all the time. I couldn't go a day without listening to their songs. I have felt and realized a number of things in the course of my routine, so I want to write about it in here. When I first listened seriously to laruku as my favourite band - when I was around 12, I've been listening their tunes emanating from my sisters' bedroom long before - I was not really fond of their old music. But it did not take me long to love all those classic 80/90s music. I started listening to their first album and Shutting From The Sky and Voice won me over. Then it was In The Air, All Dead, Blame, Wind Of Gold, Blurry Eyes, Inner Core, and White Feathers. During this time, I didn't really get into their Heavenly album, I thought everything was just ok and ordinary.  But then, I remember suddenly being obsessed with Garasu Dama not long after. I love that song so much. Then I enjoyed other songs. After I was turning 14...

I would like to write about how I passed my well-dreaded final exam. Thank God a million times over. I was so worried about it, even pessimistic about it. Then a friend instilled some new faith and courage to me, and when I went to see the results I went feeling somewhat neutral but with faith at the same time. As I walked up the steps to the teacher's office, I felt I couldn't move my legs, but I did, and walked right into the office. The teacher asked about how I was feeling, and I couldn't answer him, because suddenly there was this ball of nerves stuck in my throat. Truthfully, I felt rather nervous and I trusted everything to God and qada' and qadar. Alhamdulillah, all praises to God, I passed with 4 principles. This might not be such a good result, but it was good enough for me, considering how I never passed my math and chemistry during school. It was truly a miracle. I felt this kind of happiness, the kind where you love everybody in this world and you forgive t...

I love the Kingdom Hearts series. Love it so much. I remember when I used to play it when I was younger, I never felt so much emotion. Of course, I am exaggerating, but it truly was awesome and it still is. That time, we did not use any cheats. We all just played it through like how it was meant to be played. I wish I can play it again. I only played it once because the last time I finished playing it, I could not control my emotions! I felt everything at the same time! I know I've said this before. I am an emotional person. I view fictional characters like they are real people in real life. So I see Pewdiepie started playing KH. About time he did it. I think Pewdiepie refrained from playing it because he didn't want to be 'mainstream', but maybe KH is not so mainstream somehow so I don't really know. I agree with everyone, it is one of the best games that ever existed on this feeble Earth. I love everyone who contributed to make that game a reality for all of u...

I am always happy when I listen to music. Music is my escape. It is my paradise. When I listen to music and feel it throughout me, I can forget everything. And what I feel, what I see, underneath my dark eyelids, are images created by that melody. I love it tremendously. To describe how I feel when I went out with my friends the other day, last week actually, I felt happy. I wanted to go out for some time. Then we decided to go play by the sea, I was even happier. I love the sea. The fact that I could not swim won't change that. Though I confess, I have wanted to swim in the sea for a long time. I yearn to feel the coldness and then the warmth of the ocean waters against my skin. It would feel nice, wouldn't it? Anyway, I had fun on that outing with my friends. I'm sure that I am certainly not the best company to have, but I felt honoured to be invited by them. I love them. But as I walk out of their car, wave them goodbye and enter my home, I felt empty again. The kind...

Just feeling a little down right now. I dreamt of people who I shouldn't have. Feeling sad for no good reason. Perhaps I am a little lonely. No use thinking about fixing things that have already happened. There is no need to feel grey about the past. What happened has happened.

It is an undeniable fact that Asian people understand the horror genre better. Japanese people simply make the best horror games. My little brother told me about this Japanese horror game made from the RPG Maker, I did not pay attention to the name but he told me that there is this purple or blue monster that chases you around and you can't fight it. The only thing you can do to save yourself is running away from it. So I was interested a little bit, I let him talk because he looked so excited to tell me... After some time I realized the game he was talking about is Ao Oni  meaning "Blue Demon". I've played flash games from the website  before so I was a bit surprised why I never discovered this game earlier. Various other version and fan-made games have been released too. So I downloaded it and tried it and I keep screaming every time that blue nightmare of a demon comes after me. Seriously that background sound that plays when you are running away from it works re...

I've been wanting to do some posts here but I've been really unproductive lately. So now, I've finally set aside some time to do this post. I have a bunch of little posts that I want to do but I'll just do it in this one and see how it goes. So I've gone on a trip to the next town with my parents using their new silver Hilux. I'm sure they were excited to ride it since it just arrived a week before our trip. Unfortunately for me, the new tires were so hard and full with great air that the ride made me a little carsick. After changing seats to the front, and listening to my favourite songs, I felt much better. On our way back home it rained lightly at first, and then all of a sudden, BAM! came the heavy drops. I was positive that the visibility was less than 25%. But it wasn't for long. After we went pass the rain clouds the roads were completely dry. Strange weather we were having, but it was nothing new around these parts. It happens all th...

I have found another blog with weird things. I was thinking that most weird-things-blogs are no good, except for a selected few. But I incidentally found this wonderful blog, THE HORROR TREE  with all the things that intrigue me deeply. I have read a lot of its content way before I found this blog. Still, there are some that I never really read thoroughly or even heard of. Therefore I am overjoyed. I'll use a metaphor to express how I feel. Do imagine me defying gravity, floating off the ground towards the bright blue sky with fluffy and delicious-looking white clouds. And I have such a happy and meaningful expression on my face as I take off towards the blue infinite. That might mean nothing but perhaps it can show you how I feel at the moment. I am really excited now. I won't be sleeping tonight I guess. The best time to read these stories is during the dead night when the lights are out and nobody else is awake! You can only hear the sound of the wind blowing i...

It's a full moon tonight. The moon was so bright and big! The soft glow it created on the surrounding clouds were beautiful. The image of the moonlight emanating from the hidden moon behind the clouds were a sight to behold. I love this place. I am truly thankful to God.

Why do you stare at the sky with your blurry eyes?

Letter. Music can be so poetic and beautiful. When I listen to this song I think I see a beautiful array of soft colours. So soft and perfect and kind.

I talk to myself. A lot. I talk to myself as if there is someone listening to all the nonsense I whisper. I cannot talk like this to people so I guess I take them out on my own mind. There are a lot of things that I want to say or might say or plan to say or would-have-been-better-if-I-said-it kind of things, and I talk about all this things to myself. There is no point in it really. I don't know why I do it. Not that any of it will reach outsider's knowledge, but it is sort of fun talking like this.

Hello you. A storm hit my hometown a couple of days ago. This town rarely have any storms that was big enough to get  in the news or receive proper warnings from the meteorology centre, so people were making a big fuss about it. Well, we were warned that it might cause flooding in certain areas, and that the storm may cause damage to homes and other property. Mother even half-jokingly(I think) and half-seriously told us to pack important documents and keep them close. So I told my sister and as a joke(and half-serious, maybe) we packed up our clothes and important documents. Haha. Turns out I get to play in the rain. There were some leaks at our house so I had to help take care of it. That is how I get to play outside in the rain. It was real fun! It's been a while since I felt rain on my face. Plus, I just had a shower and I let my hair down to dry naturally and it was already dried, and the leaks were some kind of an emergency situation so I didn't tie up my hair, so I ende...

I was finally able to watch a live video of VAMPS in Zepp Namba from last year's tour. Whenever I see their lives and listen to their songs, I start to think, no matter how many crushes I have and no matter how many boys I think are good looking and ideal, Hyde-sama is really the best. I have complete respect and adoration for what he has done. The final in Zepp Namba was really wonderful, it was so great! There was also news of Jrock Revolution coming to my country this year. I don't know when but when I read about it I kept thinking, of all those years wishing for something like this to happen, it is finally happening.... Then I had tears in my eyes. It really is good news. Now let's just wish they hold the live in a stadium instead of a club, or I wouldn't be able to go. Today, I read about an old Japanese superstition that the first dream in the new year will come true. Seriously, a big 'oh my God' came out of my mouth. It's not that I believe in sup...

A nightmare greeted me on the first morning of new year. I was in a Battle Royale game, but things were a lot different. I do not know why I called it a Battle Royale game since the rules were so different. But it was still a survival game. I had that feeling, you know? It seemed that those participating had to play a number of sub-games and the person who won each game became safe and got to leave. However, the games become harder as time progresses, and brutal. I remember that the last few games were going to be like those in the Saw movies. The last one who could not win any of the games will be killed. So I was determined to win the first few games, but I did not. One of the first few games was climbing up a set of super steep stairs without touching the railings. The steps were inclined to a degree that it was almost a completely flat surface. I was trying to climb those stairs but I could not, and somebody else won that one. Then the stairs became a flat surface and...