Another dream Struck
This blog has been rather depressing lately.
All I ever write nowadays is about depressing topics. Not that I expect people to read them. I just want to write about them. Because these things really do happen to me.
And this post will not be any different I suppose.
I have been excited the few days because I was planning to further my studies overseas. I have always wanted to do it. It has been one of the smaller dreams of mine. I have been doing my research, looking for favourable universities with the courses of interests and accommodation. I read information about the tuition fees and almost fainted, but I keep reading and read more stuff about student loans, international scholarships, and funding... I think I have been doing this kind of research for a week. I even send enquiries and questions to the universities asking about my interest to enrol in their universities. I am grateful to all of the people who replied my emails and responded with such patience and kindness, even though I asked so many questions. When I was ready to send my application, and I've considered how to get money and student loans for my study, I asked my sister if I should send in my applications. She told me to ask my dad because ultimately he will be supporting me financially for my studies.
I agreed and the next day during dinner, I was really nervous, I almost could not say the words to him, but I did. I asked him if he would allow me to study overseas. He shot me right away. I knew he would be like that, but still I was a little bit shaken. I regained my confidence and composure and raise my voice so that he could hear me clearly. I told him everything he asked for, and it seemed that his responses were positive towards my wish. I was already a bit relieved. So it means I just have to send my application forms and wait for a hopeful reply. But then he suddenly spoke up after being silent for a second, saying that he thought I should just study for my degree here and study overseas for my master. He said there are cases where people couldn't cope with their studies and ended up dropping out, like his friends' sons... And he said I might get culture shock since I've never been away from home before, and that I won't be able to survive overseas.
So it means no, huh?
What he said had a point. I've never been away from home before. It will be though studying overseas. I understand that. But... other people have done it, why can't I? Other people with my qualifications have done it, why can't I? I want to do it. I will do it. I've done something like this before, haven't I? I just hope that my parents would have some confidence in me. I've done my research, and I know it will be tough. But when there's a will, there's a way, right? I just..... wished they would trust me a little bit more. Maybe if I wasn't who I am, they'd be more trusting towards me. Sigh.... another dream struck off the list...
You would say it's not the end, right? You're dad is right, you should wait until you finished your degree and go overseas when you want to get your masters degree. A lot of people do this, I realize that. My dream about studying overseas is about studying for my DEGREE overseas. I just want to accomplish something, something nobody would expect me to do, you know? I've been so uninspired and unmotivated, I want to do something different. Something that I want. Why can't I do it? I know I can do it. Then why won't people encourage me? Why do they doubt me so much? It's not like people like me never did something like this. Loads of people do it. So why can't I? Dang it. I want to do it! Let me do it!
I'm being such a baby, aren't I? Sulking over something just because I didn't get it. Well I am. I am sulky. I get angry if I don't get what I want. It's one of my dreams, you know? Don't you know how it feels like? My dreams are broken. I feel like I want to die. God help me.
All I ever write nowadays is about depressing topics. Not that I expect people to read them. I just want to write about them. Because these things really do happen to me.
And this post will not be any different I suppose.
I have been excited the few days because I was planning to further my studies overseas. I have always wanted to do it. It has been one of the smaller dreams of mine. I have been doing my research, looking for favourable universities with the courses of interests and accommodation. I read information about the tuition fees and almost fainted, but I keep reading and read more stuff about student loans, international scholarships, and funding... I think I have been doing this kind of research for a week. I even send enquiries and questions to the universities asking about my interest to enrol in their universities. I am grateful to all of the people who replied my emails and responded with such patience and kindness, even though I asked so many questions. When I was ready to send my application, and I've considered how to get money and student loans for my study, I asked my sister if I should send in my applications. She told me to ask my dad because ultimately he will be supporting me financially for my studies.
I agreed and the next day during dinner, I was really nervous, I almost could not say the words to him, but I did. I asked him if he would allow me to study overseas. He shot me right away. I knew he would be like that, but still I was a little bit shaken. I regained my confidence and composure and raise my voice so that he could hear me clearly. I told him everything he asked for, and it seemed that his responses were positive towards my wish. I was already a bit relieved. So it means I just have to send my application forms and wait for a hopeful reply. But then he suddenly spoke up after being silent for a second, saying that he thought I should just study for my degree here and study overseas for my master. He said there are cases where people couldn't cope with their studies and ended up dropping out, like his friends' sons... And he said I might get culture shock since I've never been away from home before, and that I won't be able to survive overseas.
So it means no, huh?
What he said had a point. I've never been away from home before. It will be though studying overseas. I understand that. But... other people have done it, why can't I? Other people with my qualifications have done it, why can't I? I want to do it. I will do it. I've done something like this before, haven't I? I just hope that my parents would have some confidence in me. I've done my research, and I know it will be tough. But when there's a will, there's a way, right? I just..... wished they would trust me a little bit more. Maybe if I wasn't who I am, they'd be more trusting towards me. Sigh.... another dream struck off the list...
You would say it's not the end, right? You're dad is right, you should wait until you finished your degree and go overseas when you want to get your masters degree. A lot of people do this, I realize that. My dream about studying overseas is about studying for my DEGREE overseas. I just want to accomplish something, something nobody would expect me to do, you know? I've been so uninspired and unmotivated, I want to do something different. Something that I want. Why can't I do it? I know I can do it. Then why won't people encourage me? Why do they doubt me so much? It's not like people like me never did something like this. Loads of people do it. So why can't I? Dang it. I want to do it! Let me do it!
I'm being such a baby, aren't I? Sulking over something just because I didn't get it. Well I am. I am sulky. I get angry if I don't get what I want. It's one of my dreams, you know? Don't you know how it feels like? My dreams are broken. I feel like I want to die. God help me.
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