Creativity Lost

It feels so vexing, when a person such as myself, haven't been creative for a long time.

I keep getting these urges to do creative things, such as writing, painting, playing music... But I couldn't really invest myself in those pursuits, just because I am busy doing other things such as my internship and housework.

I feel sad and useless sometimes, when I can't release my want to be creative. And it's not anybody's fault really. It's me, because I couldn't really get so much stuff done in one day.

However, this gets to me so much, more than it needs to because nowadays, I am doing pointless things that don't even mean anything to me. I'm talking about office work. It's fun to do sometimes and I am enjoying it. But to an extent, I feel like it's pointless. I'm not alive so I can do those pointless stuff. I feel like I am wasting time away by doing all these insignificant things, while I could be doing real meaningful stuff to me, like painting. I always wanted to paint again, but I just can't find the time. And that makes me sad.

It makes me sad like a mother bear that watches her cub wash away in the strong current.

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