Empathy and Clairsentience
I've been researching a lot about my empathy. I always regarded myself as an extremely introverted person but I found out that these things I am experiencing could mean something psychic. Now, I'm not saying that I am psychic, but I do believe that some people do have the gift of empowered intuition and senses.
So I got into reading about these things and I came across a word called 'clairsentience'. Apparently, it means the ability to sense strongly the feelings and emotions of entities around them in the heart and body. This is very intriguing because I never regarded it as clairsentience before, but I do pick up the emotions and feelings of people a lot. That's why I hate going to crowded places or places where there are a lot of people. It exhausts me a lot and I tend to just look down and not mind other people around me. I haven't been going out a lot, just a few times because I was forced to, but I really didn't want to.
Let me tell you a few incidences that happened to me while I was out and looked around to people.
I remember that back in uni, I went to the mall and waited in line at the ATM to get some cash. There was an older man, maybe around late 40s to 60 years old, taking out his cash at the ATM. When he finished, he looked at the receipt a long time and I happen to study his actions. That time, just looking at him broke my heart and I felt an immense urge to cry. They way he was just standing at the side, carefully examining his receipt, and the look at his face, his movements.. It gave me a feeling like he was kind of sad and felt like he needed to be careful. His finances was worrying him. He hovered around for some time, thinking and then he walked away. Me, on the other hand, had been watching him and I sincerely felt like crying. I had to hold back and wipe away some tears in my eyes. I told myself to get it together and collected myself. I was feeling his feelings and since I am a sensitive person, I became tearful. When I remembered him and the incident, I do feel like crying again.
I went to buy earphones in a store and one person was looking through a book of sorts, documents and he was angry and annoyed. When my brother and I went to pay, he was like, throwing stuff around on the table, making noises like throwing the pen that he was using and at one point, he had to attend to us. I was wondering if he was mad at us because we came in quite late, they were almost closing. But I got the feeling like he was mad about the work. Perhaps something the other employees or he neglected and now he had a problem with it. The other 2 employees seemed like they were trying to be calm and they looked calm. But I could tell they were trying to be patient and was putting up with the other person's act. They attended to us calmly and efficiently. After I paid, we went out.
I was in the supermarket of a mall and I noticed that people were staring. A syndrome down boy had become and employee at the supermarket and was working there. He was walking around, touching stuff and all that. I guess what he did was unnecessary (the touching and walking around places), he didn't seem like he had anything specific to do. It seemed like he wanted to be busy and was excited to do something. But other people were just staring at him like he was something exotic. I think I was guilty of this too because I did looked at what he did, but I didn't stare. I felt like he was truly feeling the stares on him, and went to one place and another. He avoided people and walked around. People seem like they didn't want to go close to him. Then, a female employee had enough and took him away. From her face, I could feel like she was feeling annoyed, maybe a bit angry, not necessarily at the boy but at the people who were staring. She felt sympathy or maybe pity at the boy, as I did too. She took him away by holding his hand and I never saw the boy there again.
So, that's just a few incidences that I remember. I tend to forget things easily especially my dreams or things in the past, except a few emotionally-charged memories. I feel like there could have been other happenings, but these are the ones I could easily remember at the top of my head. Perhaps it's nothing much because it's something that normal people could easily deduce or observed, but other people could have high intuition as well. In my opinion, these are some instances that showed me that I could take up the feelings and emotions or others. I have many instances during friend-meetings and gatherings but those are just little stuff. I could feel strong emotions and negative feelings quite a bit.
I like being in the dark and I dislike people perhaps for this reason. It exhausts me a lot when I am around people. Last time, it affected me physically, as I had been around large number of people for around a week. The nest week, I felt like Iwas coming down with a fever. My body felt like it was sick and tired, exhausted and fatigued. I thought it was because I wasn't getting enough sleep, so I stayed in and drank lots of water, but even after sleeping a lot of a day, I still had that fatigue and tiredness. I slept again and rested for another day, not going anywhere except to eat dinner. I didn't even went to eat breakfast or lunch. Just one meal a day because I didn't want to go out. It didn't make sense for me to be jet-lagged because it had been a week already, I've already gotten used to it. I was not getting that fever that I thought I was getting, I was normal. After thinking a lot, I came to the realization that it was because I was socially and emotionally drained from being around crowds too much. I actually didn't believe that it could affect me physically, but now that I've experienced it, I know that it's true. I was drained. And it took me 2 days of being in my hotel room to overcome it. Actually, I still wanted to stay-in for the third and fourth day but my mother was not having it.
So I have accepted that I have this kind of quality in me. I still feel a little bit unsure, like, it could have been all in my head because I was overthinking and imaginative or being creative. But someone said that we must not rationalize it because it is very real. I think it's pretty real because I'm experiencing it myself, but there's just this thought at the back of my mind that says that it could be me overthinking. So it's a conflict, but I feel like accepting it would be best for me.
So I got into reading about these things and I came across a word called 'clairsentience'. Apparently, it means the ability to sense strongly the feelings and emotions of entities around them in the heart and body. This is very intriguing because I never regarded it as clairsentience before, but I do pick up the emotions and feelings of people a lot. That's why I hate going to crowded places or places where there are a lot of people. It exhausts me a lot and I tend to just look down and not mind other people around me. I haven't been going out a lot, just a few times because I was forced to, but I really didn't want to.
Let me tell you a few incidences that happened to me while I was out and looked around to people.
I remember that back in uni, I went to the mall and waited in line at the ATM to get some cash. There was an older man, maybe around late 40s to 60 years old, taking out his cash at the ATM. When he finished, he looked at the receipt a long time and I happen to study his actions. That time, just looking at him broke my heart and I felt an immense urge to cry. They way he was just standing at the side, carefully examining his receipt, and the look at his face, his movements.. It gave me a feeling like he was kind of sad and felt like he needed to be careful. His finances was worrying him. He hovered around for some time, thinking and then he walked away. Me, on the other hand, had been watching him and I sincerely felt like crying. I had to hold back and wipe away some tears in my eyes. I told myself to get it together and collected myself. I was feeling his feelings and since I am a sensitive person, I became tearful. When I remembered him and the incident, I do feel like crying again.
I went to buy earphones in a store and one person was looking through a book of sorts, documents and he was angry and annoyed. When my brother and I went to pay, he was like, throwing stuff around on the table, making noises like throwing the pen that he was using and at one point, he had to attend to us. I was wondering if he was mad at us because we came in quite late, they were almost closing. But I got the feeling like he was mad about the work. Perhaps something the other employees or he neglected and now he had a problem with it. The other 2 employees seemed like they were trying to be calm and they looked calm. But I could tell they were trying to be patient and was putting up with the other person's act. They attended to us calmly and efficiently. After I paid, we went out.
I was in the supermarket of a mall and I noticed that people were staring. A syndrome down boy had become and employee at the supermarket and was working there. He was walking around, touching stuff and all that. I guess what he did was unnecessary (the touching and walking around places), he didn't seem like he had anything specific to do. It seemed like he wanted to be busy and was excited to do something. But other people were just staring at him like he was something exotic. I think I was guilty of this too because I did looked at what he did, but I didn't stare. I felt like he was truly feeling the stares on him, and went to one place and another. He avoided people and walked around. People seem like they didn't want to go close to him. Then, a female employee had enough and took him away. From her face, I could feel like she was feeling annoyed, maybe a bit angry, not necessarily at the boy but at the people who were staring. She felt sympathy or maybe pity at the boy, as I did too. She took him away by holding his hand and I never saw the boy there again.
So, that's just a few incidences that I remember. I tend to forget things easily especially my dreams or things in the past, except a few emotionally-charged memories. I feel like there could have been other happenings, but these are the ones I could easily remember at the top of my head. Perhaps it's nothing much because it's something that normal people could easily deduce or observed, but other people could have high intuition as well. In my opinion, these are some instances that showed me that I could take up the feelings and emotions or others. I have many instances during friend-meetings and gatherings but those are just little stuff. I could feel strong emotions and negative feelings quite a bit.
I like being in the dark and I dislike people perhaps for this reason. It exhausts me a lot when I am around people. Last time, it affected me physically, as I had been around large number of people for around a week. The nest week, I felt like Iwas coming down with a fever. My body felt like it was sick and tired, exhausted and fatigued. I thought it was because I wasn't getting enough sleep, so I stayed in and drank lots of water, but even after sleeping a lot of a day, I still had that fatigue and tiredness. I slept again and rested for another day, not going anywhere except to eat dinner. I didn't even went to eat breakfast or lunch. Just one meal a day because I didn't want to go out. It didn't make sense for me to be jet-lagged because it had been a week already, I've already gotten used to it. I was not getting that fever that I thought I was getting, I was normal. After thinking a lot, I came to the realization that it was because I was socially and emotionally drained from being around crowds too much. I actually didn't believe that it could affect me physically, but now that I've experienced it, I know that it's true. I was drained. And it took me 2 days of being in my hotel room to overcome it. Actually, I still wanted to stay-in for the third and fourth day but my mother was not having it.
So I have accepted that I have this kind of quality in me. I still feel a little bit unsure, like, it could have been all in my head because I was overthinking and imaginative or being creative. But someone said that we must not rationalize it because it is very real. I think it's pretty real because I'm experiencing it myself, but there's just this thought at the back of my mind that says that it could be me overthinking. So it's a conflict, but I feel like accepting it would be best for me.
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