Cloudy Day, Rainy Day
It's the fifth week in this semester. I've had a lot of things happen since the last time I made a post. I've had some surreal dreams and they were pretty weird. I'm sure I've written a word document about some of it. These dreams are pretty vivid. They look like movies with dramatic story lines. So, I like to write them down because they have some pretty nice plot. Don't know how my brain come up with them though. I think that's pretty fascinating.
My final year project isn't going anywhere right now. It's been stagnant. I am trying to get my supervisor to look over my interview questions before I can get his approval and proceed to interview my informants. I also have some assignments coming up. This week in HRIS, we were thought how to make a database in M.Access. Darn.. I couldn't understand it. It's times like this when I feel pretty helpless and useless. I get the notion that if I cannot even get myself to understand or be useful with something like this, which I am sure will be needed in the future when I am doing my practical or working in HR, then how am I going to survive in the workforce? I'll be called a slowpoke, a failure, a real life dimwit of sort. Sometimes I do feel like that. Sure, people are gonna say, "You can try again," or "Just improve yourself," or "Make some effort." You see, I know all that. I know it, I'm not as stupid as you might think, but when people are not in my shoes, they don't know how it's like, you know? I admit, I am pretty slow and I work in my own pace. But I always try to do things one step at a time and I'll get there. I am reminded of the things that I have achieved on my own. I've gone pretty far compared to 6 years ago. And I am proud and thankful for it. And I've done it all by myself, because I am shy, embarrassed, and anxious if another human being is involved. So I try to do it myself. It might not be as efficient, but I'm there, and I'm constantly moving forward to my goals.
This room in my dorm is pretty hot, and I like to keep the windows open to let the air circulate. It's been pretty hot lately, but today, we've had heavy rain. I love it the most when it rains. I love it when the winds get caught in my hair and it becomes pretty wild. I also like it when the the weather is cloudy and is about to rain. I went to the balcony this late afternoon to grab my clothes which I hung out to catch the glimmer of sunlight. The winds were rough and the sky looked like it's about to rain. I hear metal clacking, clothes being pulled in the clothes lines, and I see girls giggling and running over to go and grab their clothes before it gets blown off by the wind. I look down from the second floor and see them do this all over. They were laughing, finding it funny that the clothes were about to fly off the lines. A thought came over me, and I start to think about how beautiful these girls were. I mean, the greatest creation by God is man, and women are the best of them. I certainly think this and firmly believe it.
Last week, I also bought some clothes online. I bought two hijabs and a jubah. They will probably arrive this week and I have to say, I am pretty excited. People say money cannot buy happiness, but I digress. I feel pretty happy thinking about having new clothes which I wanted. I think I would like to buy another mocha-coloured and deep purple jubah, and three more hijabs. I've always wanted to wear this kind of hijab, they are slip-ons with the middle part sewn. So, it'll be pretty easy to wear and it'll definitely save time when I need to go to class. I hope I'll be able to have the courage and confidence to keep wearing it. I certainly have the desire to wear this style of hijab for a long time, but I've always hesitate for some trifle reason like not feeling worthy.... But just like when I made the decision to just wear a longer hijab, I need to feel confident and keep my niat pure. I'm doing this because of God, and I want to be closer to God, and be more modest even if people think that I shouldn't. This is a step that I need to take. Just like taking one step at a time, this is just another step that I need to take in order for me to be the person I wanted to be. Insya Allah, I'll get there. If you are reading this, please pray for me. I believe every prayer is heard and if you would be so kind as to pray for me, I humbly ask for your gracious help. Thank you.
Now, double chins are a thing. It's starting to bother me a lot. I've definitely gained weight. Just the other day, I ate a lot just like I always do, and then I fell asleep. To make things worse, I don't exercise. Haha. It's just not me. I can't bring myself to do it even though I recognize how vital it is for my health. Talk about being unhealthy. Hmm.. I really need to do something about my weight and double chin. Dang... maintaining beauty is really hard work. Boys, being pretty takes serious effort. No one is naturally beautiful. It's the result from hard work. It's not that I hate my body. I love it a lot, but there are certainly flaws that I don't like.. You know... Mimi, if you are reading this.. You know what I mean, right.
I'll stop for now. I'm starting to feel a little sleepy, and I need to get ready for bed soon. Goodbye.
My final year project isn't going anywhere right now. It's been stagnant. I am trying to get my supervisor to look over my interview questions before I can get his approval and proceed to interview my informants. I also have some assignments coming up. This week in HRIS, we were thought how to make a database in M.Access. Darn.. I couldn't understand it. It's times like this when I feel pretty helpless and useless. I get the notion that if I cannot even get myself to understand or be useful with something like this, which I am sure will be needed in the future when I am doing my practical or working in HR, then how am I going to survive in the workforce? I'll be called a slowpoke, a failure, a real life dimwit of sort. Sometimes I do feel like that. Sure, people are gonna say, "You can try again," or "Just improve yourself," or "Make some effort." You see, I know all that. I know it, I'm not as stupid as you might think, but when people are not in my shoes, they don't know how it's like, you know? I admit, I am pretty slow and I work in my own pace. But I always try to do things one step at a time and I'll get there. I am reminded of the things that I have achieved on my own. I've gone pretty far compared to 6 years ago. And I am proud and thankful for it. And I've done it all by myself, because I am shy, embarrassed, and anxious if another human being is involved. So I try to do it myself. It might not be as efficient, but I'm there, and I'm constantly moving forward to my goals.
This room in my dorm is pretty hot, and I like to keep the windows open to let the air circulate. It's been pretty hot lately, but today, we've had heavy rain. I love it the most when it rains. I love it when the winds get caught in my hair and it becomes pretty wild. I also like it when the the weather is cloudy and is about to rain. I went to the balcony this late afternoon to grab my clothes which I hung out to catch the glimmer of sunlight. The winds were rough and the sky looked like it's about to rain. I hear metal clacking, clothes being pulled in the clothes lines, and I see girls giggling and running over to go and grab their clothes before it gets blown off by the wind. I look down from the second floor and see them do this all over. They were laughing, finding it funny that the clothes were about to fly off the lines. A thought came over me, and I start to think about how beautiful these girls were. I mean, the greatest creation by God is man, and women are the best of them. I certainly think this and firmly believe it.
Last week, I also bought some clothes online. I bought two hijabs and a jubah. They will probably arrive this week and I have to say, I am pretty excited. People say money cannot buy happiness, but I digress. I feel pretty happy thinking about having new clothes which I wanted. I think I would like to buy another mocha-coloured and deep purple jubah, and three more hijabs. I've always wanted to wear this kind of hijab, they are slip-ons with the middle part sewn. So, it'll be pretty easy to wear and it'll definitely save time when I need to go to class. I hope I'll be able to have the courage and confidence to keep wearing it. I certainly have the desire to wear this style of hijab for a long time, but I've always hesitate for some trifle reason like not feeling worthy.... But just like when I made the decision to just wear a longer hijab, I need to feel confident and keep my niat pure. I'm doing this because of God, and I want to be closer to God, and be more modest even if people think that I shouldn't. This is a step that I need to take. Just like taking one step at a time, this is just another step that I need to take in order for me to be the person I wanted to be. Insya Allah, I'll get there. If you are reading this, please pray for me. I believe every prayer is heard and if you would be so kind as to pray for me, I humbly ask for your gracious help. Thank you.
Now, double chins are a thing. It's starting to bother me a lot. I've definitely gained weight. Just the other day, I ate a lot just like I always do, and then I fell asleep. To make things worse, I don't exercise. Haha. It's just not me. I can't bring myself to do it even though I recognize how vital it is for my health. Talk about being unhealthy. Hmm.. I really need to do something about my weight and double chin. Dang... maintaining beauty is really hard work. Boys, being pretty takes serious effort. No one is naturally beautiful. It's the result from hard work. It's not that I hate my body. I love it a lot, but there are certainly flaws that I don't like.. You know... Mimi, if you are reading this.. You know what I mean, right.
I'll stop for now. I'm starting to feel a little sleepy, and I need to get ready for bed soon. Goodbye.
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