Choose Your Last Words

Decided to just post about this.

I've been having some real unhealthy thoughts. Exhaustive, toxic kind of thoughts. They consist of rationalizing the life of many other people who have it so good and so much better than mine. Yes, I know, I mustn't compare myself with others. I know all that counseling stuff. But, I'm going to express my feelings here because writing it is the best way I know of.

I kept thinking, why do they get to be so happy and have such a perfect life? Why do I feel sad even though I try so hard? Did they really do good and deserve all that perfection? Am I really that sinful and dirty that I have to feel all this? Why am I always being tested? For the record, I am not such a patient person, but I always try to be. Sometimes, it's just so hard.

Then I remember that God always tests his favourite people so that they can become better. The most tested people were the Prophets and they made it through with Allah's grace. Human beings will keep on being tested until they walk upon the earth sinless.

After thinking about that, I think that is the reason why I am always being tested and I am so sensitive that I feel sad. Other people can have it easy, or it may look easy to me but they are actually having lots of hardships. I know that. But they get to have such a happy life and I am here just not seeing where I am going and I am not that happy at the moment. This is all because Allah s.w.t wants to test me so I can become a better person. I only hope I can get through the test with flying colours because to be honest, I am struggling. I am struggling so much.

I wish for God's help and grace to get ,e through this tough time.

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